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Subject:FTFY: 50 Things Women Want Men to Know
Time:03:32 pm


1. Saying"I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.  I don't say "I love you" unless I mean it, and I'm going to assume you don't either.  Sex releases a lot of emotions, but they count, and pretending emotions to get sex is gross.

2. Real men drive stick shift.  I wish I could drive shift, and it's kind of cool if you do...but...what?  You're a real man if you're not a Pinnochio.

3. I will leave if you lie.  Fuck yes.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).  Not overwhelmingly so, but sure.  I like those shirts.  Probaly not everyone thinks so though.


5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

Okay, true.  Not every time, but...yeah.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear. 

Growl?  Say hello?  Hugs are great, but whispers are silly.

7. "Fine"is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

is perfectly acceptable when I ask how I look.  If I put a lot of effort into it, great is better...but whatevs.

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.

A lot of the time, definitely...but there are lots of fun things to think about!

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.  Have a nuanced relationship with my mother and/or father, like most people do, but am my own person.


10. I get turned on simply enjoy seeing that I have an e-mail from you.  ?


11. I expect you to call me.   We should make sure we have worked out how often each person likes/expects to hear from each other.


12. Only rock stars are Anyone who wants to is allowed to wear leather pants.


13. I'm scared of losing make sure to assert my independence.  --and to respect yours.


14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. would be of someone I didn't love as much.  I'm sure that goes the other way too.


15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.   Oral sex should be a regular part of our sex life, as long as it's something I like--which goes both ways.  Neither sex nor presents will do shit if I'm mad at you--the only thing that would fix that is talking out the problem and promising not to repeat the it...and meaning it.  Make-up sex is great, but it's celebratory, not the process itself.  Presents after a fight are honestly kind of awkward and I wouldn't want them.


16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not.  If I said I was, I am.  I may still be a little sensitive to the issue, and I'll be way angrier if it happens again soon, but we're okay.


17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm… a. …having a fat day. b.…not feeling "connected" to you. c.…blackmailing you to get something I want. tired or don't feel well.  It has nothing to do with you, because if I was upset or wanted something from you, not having sex would be a stupid passive-aggressive way to deal with it that would hurt me just as much as you.


18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.  --This is probably true?  But I don't give a shit.


19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.  I don't, and I would be.  Again, when I want something from you, I'll ask.  I won't play weird games to force you to do something.  Also, who?


20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing. I have a positive body image, and enjoy it when you chime in my self-appreciation.  I know this actually isn't true for most girls, but damnit, it should be.


21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.  It's sweet when you prepare something I like in advance, but it's not required.


22. You look hot in hooded clothing items. wearing what makes you feel most comfortable.


23. You should never tell me what to do. Second fuck yes of the list.  Unqualified agreement.  On the other hand, both of them are true of any kind of personal relationship.


24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.   Sex is not something I give out that you then owe me for--it's something we do together and both enjoy.  If we're together and I'm hungry, I do appreciate you either feeding me or going with me to get food.


25. My breasts love much licking and sucking. Okay, 3rd fuck yes.  YAY BOOBIES.


26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes. --or no, depending on whether I want to date you.  Honestly, I'm also fine with indirectly asking me out, you're just running a higher risk I won't notice.


27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.  I assume that you value my opinion, and do my best to give good advice if you ask for it, but don't find you doing so impressive or validating in particular.


28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead. assumes he should take the lead, or who assumes I'll always take the lead.


29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.  --I guess?  But I don't care?


30. I want to be Madonna. Just no.


31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.   Okay, so, fuck yes again. As an obvious corollary:  you should be fingering me!


32. I'm in heaven enjoy when you hold my hand, but only if you want to.  (So many of these really seem to portray women as attention starved and demanding specific shows of affection.  It's weird.)


33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. yourself.


34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.  ---Okay, yeah, this is pretty much always good.  It's still so demanding in tone.


35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving. are awesome and make me happy, but don't change my love for you or my desire to have sex with you.


36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you–and for you to recognize this.  I want both of us to appreciate the time and relationship we have together and to do everything we can to nurture and support it.


37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking…. talk to you about my feelings and find out if there's a problem.


38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.  are almost always intersting--they helped form who we are, especially who we are in relationships.  


39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.  --This one kind of confuses me.  I like to talk to you?


40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points. is fun and makes me feel noticed and cherished.  Again, there's no point system.


41. I love it when you're sweaty.  --This one actually isn't true for me, but not untrue enough to cross it off.  I like watching people do things, but being sweating itself is kind of meh.  Not a turn-on, but not a turn-off.


42. It's best to consult your gal pals for think about what I enjoy, and especially what we enjoy together, for gift ideas.  I certainly hope you know me better than your friends who just happen to be girls do.


43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.  And hugs!  Fuck yes...5?


44. I like porn. --at least some of it.  Some of it's too absurd/degrading to be anything but funny.


45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands. any part of you--I love to touch your skin and pull you to me.


46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public. --Probably?  I'll take their word for it... I've never been one of those.  ;)


47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read…  --I'll agree with this actually.  There just isn't much I qouls have a problem with seening. :)


48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.  --Yeah.  Hard truth is always better than a lie.


49. I remember everything a lot about our relationship, more than a lot of guys seem to, but I'm just as likely to be wrong as you are if we remember something differently.


50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you. because we talk about it.  Also, without is one word.

Original source is unclear, because everyone seems to have ganked it from everyone else.  Men's Health is the top google hit.


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Subject:Will said this.
Time:02:41 am
"Look, everyone collects things. I mean, I collect things the collect dust and breaks in them. I mean what can you do, try not to break your things I guess, but barring that, collect things. Collect more things."

Will is great.
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Subject:Coffee is winning
Time:11:46 am
Kisses are winning

Bitches moment of the day:

Some bus girl, yelling about it: Wait, isn't antifreeze for your air conditioner?
*pause*
Quiet and chagrined: ...oh

Coffee is winning.

Coffee already won, but too late for me to get good coffee. So inertia is really winning, but that's not something we chant. It's parta ceribus parrrribus.

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
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Subject:Fight me if you dare | Combat Cards
Time:10:48 am
COMBAT CARDS 2.1
to fight mmmmurgle
enter your username below
CREATE YOUR CARD
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Subject:It's amazing!
Time:12:35 pm
ATTN DEAR FRIEND,

I am Barrister Robert William a solicitor at law,personal Lawyer to Mr Bashshar McCoy who has the same last name with your last name, a nationality of your country.
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Subject:Well, I'm a mess, but it's a happy mess
Time:01:18 pm
I just replied to an email from my professor about missing lab while I'm skipping class. Whoops guess that is does not look so good.

Listening to people on campus will make you crazy. CRAZY WITH AMUSEMENT.

So, apparently some frat guy had a hurt arm so it was in a sling. On Halloween, to go downtown he apparently designed some kind of costume that incorporated it, and all night random guys kept yelling, "Oh man, that's so fake" and punching him in the arm. His frat buddies thought it was great that he was so dumb. And so punched. In that arm.

Ohhhh the punchings.

And then a couple days ago on the bus, this grad student had been talking to her friend about her fiance, and football games...you know, things that people talk about. Then out of nowhere she mentioned she was wearing her wedding ring, and that she shouldn't she guess, but it's really pretty and she liked it. What, she says, you've never heard the story? Oh wow, yeah, so ok, I was a freshman in college and you know, kinda dumb, and I got married to this guy who was still in high school, and he ran off with one of his band chicks. I gave the engagement ring back because it was diamonds in the shape of a C from his grandmother, and you know, he's a shit, but it's a family thing so he should have it, but I really like this ring, so sometimes I just wear it, you know? It's pretty. I should get something from all that right?

You know?

If you reality was a story, people would write nasty notes about it being unbelievable and poorly researched. ;)

Also well...I really need to make up my mind to actually be a student, or find something else to do. Cruising works out alright for me, but there's not much point. Or if there would be a point, it would be just to get any degree, and if I'm not going to actually do work really, I should look things over, find something I can finish quickly and just go ahead and do it.

I'm working on it.

Now I get to go to lab which I...maybe...know how to do, and then for four hours of good old telemarketing.
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Subject:Oh that Heather
Time:06:34 am
Only working on essays when there's less than 6 hours before they're due.

God, this is such a bullshit middle school assignment though.

I am having fun in my own way is the weird thing. Also, this would have been equally easy to spend a couple hours on 3 weeks ago. Mmmm humanities.

/bitching
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Time:01:06 pm
Hey, man, easy to please = frequently happy.
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Subject:No, I'm not. Really.
Time:02:11 am
Robot monkey say what?

Balls balls balls balls.

Damnit I like this shirt.

Heh. You're loud. He HE. It's a potful of something, anyway.

Sheesh.
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Time:01:36 am
Look, I don't want to say that you get this way when you don't eat....But you get this way when you don't eat.Collapse )
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[icon] Hell is Spicy
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